Tough Guys and Drama Queens: How Not to Get Blindsided by Your Child's Teen Years, by Mark L. Gregston
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Tough Guys and Drama Queens: How Not to Get Blindsided by Your Child's Teen Years, by Mark L. Gregston
Best Ebook Tough Guys and Drama Queens: How Not to Get Blindsided by Your Child's Teen Years, by Mark L. Gregston
If you’ve ever lain awake at night wondering what might be around the corner of your child’s adolescence, this audiobook is for you! After more than thirty-eight years of working with more than 2,500 teens, Mark Gregston, founder of Heartlight, a Christian residential counseling center, introduces Tough Guys and Drama Queens―a must-listen “how-to” audiobook for parents of pre-teens and teens with time-tested, biblical techniques to guide you through these unavoidably challenging years.
Mark helps parents realize that some natural parenting approaches are actually counter-productive and therefore totally ineffective. In place of those he offers tried-and-true wisdom on the vital importance of relationship, forgiveness, and explains how conflict is actually the precursor to change.
Every day your child is bombarded by a highly sexualized culture and over-exposed to words and images that can influence them beyond your reach. Your connection to them during these years is critical as is your response to tough issues such as:
• appearance• performance• authority & respect• boundaries
Complete with bonus insights, questions to engage your child, and instruction for teachers, counselors, pastors, and other family members, Tough Guys and Drama Queens offers proactive tools to prepare you for the incredible teen years ahead.
Tough Guys and Drama Queens: How Not to Get Blindsided by Your Child's Teen Years, by Mark L. Gregston - Amazon Sales Rank: #3751543 in Books
- Brand: Gregston, Mark/ Parks, Tom (NRT)
- Published on: 2015-03-31
- Formats: Audiobook, MP3 Audio, Unabridged
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 6.75" h x .50" w x 5.25" l,
- Running time: 6 Hours
- Binding: MP3 CD
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Most helpful customer reviews
19 of 19 people found the following review helpful. An adolescent's point of view By Sonya Jeffords Early in this book, Mark Gregston makes the claim that adolescence used to end in the late teens, but that in our culture it seems to go on until about the age of 26. I'm 25, and when I read that, I laughed and thought, "not me!"Then I continued reading, and the further along I got in this book, the more I realized, "Oh no. It IS me!" Let me say that of all the things to want to consider myself, "adolescent" is not one of them.So to preface my review, I am writing this as1. an adolescent (cringe)2. a parent too young to have teenage children (I realize there are probably a few 25 year-olds out there with teenage children, but for the most part a 25 year-old is not going to have children in that age range)meaning that this book was not at all directed at me. But I read it anyhow, and here are my thoughts:The author makes the claim that while children haven't inherently changed, the culture has changed, and that this is the reason "old-school" parenting doesn't work. He says that parents need to adapt to this, or they will lose their teens to the culture they're immersed in. I tend to agree with this assessment. He describes numerous ways that culture is different now than it was 15 years ago, and why it is so much more overwhelming and confusing for youngsters. I found his assessment of current cultural differences and the struggles they introduce to be spot on.As the author moved from describing culture to describing parenting practices to avoid and parenting practices to start using, it was like I was reading an account of my own teen years and all the things I wished my parents had understood when I was growing up. And reading an account of all the things my friends complained about that they wished their parents understood. And to top it off, a lot of these things described were also the exact frustrations I experienced with my ex-husband and my in-laws and things I wished they would understand.At the core of this book is the message that to get your children through their teen years/adolescence, you need to focus on relationship, not criticism and shaming. One thing that resonated with me a lot was that the author said, numerous times throughout the book, that parents don't need to tell their teens what mistakes they're making-the teens already know what their mistakes are! I have to say one of my biggest pet peeves is when someone tells me I'm doing or did something wrong, and I already knew I did/was doing it wrong and was already actively working to change it. I'm constantly thinking about things I need to do better, and when someone else points out one of my many mistakes that I was already acutely aware of, I tend to shut that person out and actually feel less interested in improving myself (around that person, anyway). Now, that's probably immature (okay, okay...I know it's immature...) and I should probably be able to take poorly-communicated advice, decipher if it's good advice or not, and if it is, to follow it no matter how offended I was by the delivery, but, rather immaturely I'll admit, if I receive advice, good or bad, in a condescending way, my gut reaction is to *not* prove them right by following the advice. Or, my gut reaction will be, "If I follow this advice, which happens to be what I was ALREADY doing or planning to do on my own, they'll think they can have some credit for my change, and they don't deserve that credit because I was already fully aware of this problem and the way to solve it."Honestly, it's a pride issue. I know it is. When I'm already trying to change something, and someone comes along and says, "Hey, I think you should change that!", it's discouraging, and my pride puffs up and tells me not to let them think they can have the credit for the changes I was already making. Because at that point, my brain tells me, "Now if I succeed in changing this about myself, they'll think it was because of their advice when in fact, I didn't need their advice-I was already changing it. So I might as well not change it or they're going to take the credit for a change I've already been working on and struggling with for months." Yeah. Immature. I know.(At this point, I barely want to even publish this review, lol)Thankfully, I've grown up enough that I recognize my automatic pride response, and I'm able to tell myself that it's stupid, grit my teeth, and move forward in changing while doing my best to not care if the person who gave the unwanted advice decides to take credit for inspiring my changes.Seriously, I know what my problems are, and I'm working on them. And if I have some problems that I'm not aware of (which I probably do), there are so many that I am aware of that adding more problems to my list of problems only overwhelms me.However, this is not at all to say that problems can't be talked about. Here's where problems can be talked about: in the context of a relationship. How do you build a relationship with your teen? Listening. Asking questions. Having fun together. Getting to know your teen. Cutting down the things that chip away at relationships like judging, shaming, and nagging. When I feel that someone cares about me as a person, and not just about my poor decisions and mountain of mistakes, I invite advice. When I feel safe, that I'm not going to be criticized or judged for an issue I'm struggling with and already feel bad about, I'll talk about my struggles and be open to the constructive criticism of others.The author gives a lot of great advice in this book on how to build a relationship with your child. You've spent at least 12 years teaching your child right from wrong, so try trusting that they "get it" and they know the areas they're messing up in. I would say that most teens don't need to be reminded about what they're doing wrong. If they have a conscience, they already know. Telling them what they already know will only push them further away. Yes, it's immature, but it's the way it is.All that said, the book does not advocate total permissiveness or not correcting your teen at all. One might get that impression from the book, but the author makes it clear that there still need to be boundaries and consequences, and he also advises that you have a weekly meeting with your child specifically set aside for conflict resolution (he suggests possibly calling it "Disagreements over Donuts", which sounds like a good idea to me, because it's hard to lose your temper if you're eating a delicious donut, lol). However, most parents are already quite skilled in teaching their children what they are doing wrong, and so the focus of this book isn't about the boundaries that need to be set or the issues that need attention-the focus of this book is building a better relationship with your teen, so that you'll be perceived positively and that when you do your correcting, they'll be open to listening. Because after all, even if you have the best of intentions, if your teen is perceiving it in an immature way (and she probably is), her perceptions are what she will base her decisions on.So, anyway, 26 isn't too far off for me, right? I look forward to the magical birthday that will end my immaturity and give me the gift of finally being an adult and actually knowing everything instead of just thinking I know everything. (just kidding)I received a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful. A helpful book for any parent of teens By Busy Mom I have to confess. I have good teens. They aren't sneaking out at night, not drinking, not doing drugs, and they usually tell me the truth. But there are times I have felt blindsided by their emotions, their questions, and their words. In those moments, I often feel as if I'm failing at this parenting thing. I begin to fear that my good teens are going to walk away from God and make some really bad decisions in their lives. Then my gut reaction is to lecture more, tighten rules, and try to make sure they stay on the right path. That's the wrong response, unfortunately.I'm learning that teenage girls are drama queens. They just are. Not necessarily in the trouble-making, manipulative and mean way I usually think of drama queens. But to them every emotion is HUGE and every difficulty is THE END OF THE WORLD. Some of this they can't really control. Their changing hormones help blow everything out of proportion and their youth means they don't have enough life experience to have a realistic perspective yet. The "right now" of their life really does seem like forever to them. As parents, we're looking at situations with the wisdom of 20+ years more life experience.The hardest part of parenting teens is learning not to react to the drama, and not to take it personally. The second hardest part is knowing what to let go of, and where to stand firm. What battles are worth fighting, and which ones will only damage your relationship with your child? That's where I found Tough Guys and Drama Queens helpful. Mark Gregston used his 35+ years of experience working with teens and their families to write this book. He points out the common parenting errors that contribute to parent-teen conflict and offers guidelines for parenting that can help build relationships, guide teens to maturity, and limit unnecessary conflict in the home.Tough Guys and Drama Queens is divided into three parts: What's so different about today's culture Why traditional parenting no longer works A new model for parenting teensI have to admit that I knew today's culture was very different than the culture I was raised in. I'd seen firsthand how teens question authority and challenge rules so much more than they did 20 years ago, even good teens. But I didn't fully understand why. I'll be honest. I figured it was because we were all doing something wrong. Somehow, I figured my parents had done something right, that I had missed. I didn't realize that part of it is simply the change in culture.Changing how we parent as our teens mature is so important. Some parents will pick up this book because they are really struggling with their teens. Maybe their teen is in danger of dropping out of school or has had brushes with the law. This book can help them know what needs to change, and what help to seek for their family.Some parents will pick up this book because they're just feeling a bit blindsided by the changes their child is going through and its effects on their relationship. Maybe they're wondering what they're doing wrong and starting to worry about their teen's future. This book can help them understand what isn't working in their family and figure out more effective ways of parenting their teens.Even if you disagree with the guidelines that Mark Gregston lays out, feeling he's too permissive for your family situation, I think you can still benefit from reading the book. First of all, reading this book helped me not to be judgmental of parents struggling with their teens more than I am. Second, it really did help me to re-evaluate how I am relating to my teens and what areas I needed to change.I highly recommend Mark Gregston's book, Tough Guys and Drama Queens, to anyone parenting teens today. It was eye-opening and reassuring. For one thing, it reminded me that my girls really are good teens. I was so thankful not to be facing some of the issues Mark has dealt with in his work with troubled teens. But it also helped me identify ways I need to change, and how to be a better parent to my teens.April E. This book was provided to me free of charge by Booksneeze. A positive review was not required, and the opinions in this review are all my own.
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful. If You Ever Thought Not My Teen...You Might Want to Read This Book By Seeker I was really looking forward to reading Tough Guys and Drama Queens: How Not to Get Blindsided by Your Child's Teen Years because I have a tween drama queen in the making and I was pleasantly surprised that the core of Mark Gregston's philosophy is not just how to handle the turbulent teen years but how parents can better prepare their teens for adulthood. Having worked with teens myself, I am impressed that Mark Gregston, founder of a Christian residential counseling center called Heartlight, has had thirty-eight years of experience with more than 2,500 teens.The author explains the steps of the parental roles in memorable terms. In the first five years parents try to please their children. In the elementary years, there is a shift to protecting the children. Middle school aged children need parents to provide. The remaining teen years should be about preparing them for adulthood. Unfortunately, many parents get stuck in over-pleasing, over-protecting, and over-providing modes. The result is their teenagers are not prepared to be self-reliant adults and they take on the very traits the parents were hoping to avoid, but were inevitable with their parental approach.At first, it grated with me that Mark Gregston feels that the parenting approach that worked well with me as a child would not work today with the overexposure to information, the overloading children due to our heightened technology, but then I have to admit that today's culture is significantly different than when I was a teen. There were no such things as cell phones, home computers, and cable TV in my home as I was growing up, much less the Internet, email, blogs, Facebook, Twitter, texting, digital pictures, and video games. Between the pressures of school, activities, homework, chores, peer pressures, social media, and parental expectations to excel, a child could be starving for a loving, peaceful, and restful relationship with his parents, as the author suggests. I have felt strictly curtailing online and gaming activities would alleviate these pressures, but I agreed with the advice in the book that at some point teens need to be encouraged to make their own decisions, so they can learn from their mistakes--and, yes, they will make mistakes--at home with forgiving parents.I highly recommend this book for parents whether or not you are struggling with your tweens or teens. The book has suggestions on what parenting practices to avoid and what ones work. There are examples of previously ideal teens suddenly turning onto the wrong path and why other teens seem rebellious most of the time. Most importantly, I feel the wisdom contained helps the parent realize in a big picture way that the goal is not to have the "perfect teen," but to allow the teen to be imperfect. Not to buffer the teen from the world, but allow him to test the waters of self-reliance, self-control, and self-discipline by increasingly allowing him to make his own choices and realizing, as hard as it is to allow him to fail or get into trouble, that he will learn from his mistakes more than any lecture.Tough Guys and Drama Queens: How Not to Get Blindsided by Your Child's Teen Years will be staying on my shelf as a reference book to be reread in the future if only to remind me of the ultimate goal is to launch the teenager into adulthood and to encourage me stay on track with that big picture.Disclaimer: I was given this book from Booksneeze in exchange for my honest opinion, no other compensation was given.
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